The Lost Art of Charisma

An easy way to stand out and be exceptional in the New Year. (Photo is Charlie Houpert)

I ASK YOU, reader of this substack, to name five of the most charismatic people of which you are aware. Do it quickly and try to make out a list at the top of your head. Chances are, your mind buffered a little and failed to come up with 5 people, I certainly did when I was asked this question by one of my friends and so did the next 10 people I asked this question.
Yet if I ask you to name 5 of the richest people on the Earth, it takes but a few seconds.
Or maybe if I ask you to name 5 of the most prominent athletes, or five of the most good-looking actors.
Yet with charisma, we tend to buffer and our minds aren’t exactly well-informed on the subject.

WHAT IS CHARISMA?

You see this word get thrown around from everywhere. “Oh, that politician is so charismatic!” What does this even mean? By google definition it is:

1.compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.

"She enchanted guests with her charisma"
2.

a divinely conferred power or talent.

Yet these two definitions still do not entirely define the whole noun that is charisma.

I will give you my own proper definition of the word. Firstly, charisma is but a word used to define the attribute of attraction and charm. The proper usage of this term would be an adjective, charismatic. A charismatic person is one that enters the room with confidence and presence. He is not distracted by anything, and he pays all his attention to the audience in the room. The moment a charismatic enters the room, the air in it starts to lighten up and everyone notices his arrival. A charismatic person shakes the hands of every person of every status with the same amount of firmness and conviction: he treats everyone equally. A charismatic person dons and never breaks his smile: he looks at everyone with the same face and remembers every single one of the names of which he is informed. As such, people are entranced by him and are undeniably attracted towards his being. The words that come out of his mouth are captivating and smooth: a charismatic person speaks not for the sake of speaking, but for the sake of relaying a message or a feeling. No stutter, no meek speech, full on eye-contact and pure presence. Any person can approach a charismatic person with ease and comfort, and he can approach anyone without fear or embarrassment. People like to follow charismatic people because they know that by doing so, their own interests are going to be fulfilled.
In short, a charismatic person is confident in themselves, speak with no stutter, only speaking when they must and wear a smile at all times. They also pay attention to everyone and put in a little effort in remembering a few names. Pretty gosh darn simple, aye?
YET SO MANY OF US FAIL AT DOING THIS!
We fear what people will think of our opinions, so we silence them and remain invisible. We only think of ourselves and care not to shake hands or remember names. Can you tell me the birthdays of a few of your friends or do you note their birth dates on your calendar?
When someone speaks to you, do you pay all your attention and listen to their words as if they are potentially life changing, even if it is a 5-year-old child asking for some ice cream? For how much of your day do you smile? When you walk around a party, is your posture slouched forward, your torso closed off from the world?
If these words resonate with you and you feel called out, don’t worry, this is 95% of the population. Indeed, only a small percentage of the human population is charismatic.
Yet this skill called charisma, unlike the dictionary definition, IS NOT AN INNATE TALENT THAT YOU ARE BORN WITH!
Yep, you heard me. You can develop this skill and become an expert at it with enough effort. And this skill has a TON of benefit to be mastered.
A charismatic person avoids any argument and almost never clashes with anyone. People don’t want to take them down or pick a fight with them because everyone likes them. A charismatic person can lead a following with ease and make people do what they want: as such they can reach their goals faster, with a quicker paste.
As such, they retain their sanity in this world and enjoy their time with friends and relationships.
This is an evergreen skill that everyone can learn! It seeps into every area of your life, whether it is professional, familial, relational, casual, and spiritual. So, start practicing and improving your charisma from this day!

STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TO BE MORE CHARISMATIC

A sword is refined when it is sharpened. A skill is mastered through repetition. To start in your mastery of charisma, you should view this attribute not as a huge characteristic that embodies confidence and spirituality and voodoo-no. Charisma is nothing but the sum of little actions and traits that are combined and used together in order to form an overarching attribute.

1. For starters, you must practice your speech. A charismatic person is incredibly articulate and manages to speak his mind and his thoughts with little to no resistance. How do you manage to do this, you may ask? TALK! To get better at talking, you must talk. Do not be afraid of being viewed as crazy and schizophrenic by your family or your friends: talk to yourself as you walk in your house, as you take the bus or as you take the toilet.
Personally, I’ve started to talk as I write. As such, I am practicing my writing at the same time as my talking. Ever since, I’ve become significantly better at articulating my thoughts.
In addition, you must read a TON of books. How do you gain a richer vocabulary? By reading and learning unfamiliar words and definitions you can use in your arsenal. I’d also personally recommend you pick up books on human psychology: kill two birds with one stone. By understanding human psychology, you understand the why behind every decision every single one of your close ones take. Charismatic people understand this and study human psychology at any moment they can. I recommend you pick up “Influence” by Robert Cialdini, a great book writing on how to influence people to your thinking.
I have also found a fun exercise you can throughout the day: pick a sub category of words (Example: fast food, words than start with a, crafting tools, etc.). And try to name as many words relating to that subcategory as possible within a minute. This helps you think divergently: by finding out words hidden within your psyche, you manage to formulate sentences more easily.

2. Be more confident in your looks. Are you insecure about your weight? Instead of dealing with it and accepting it, consider exercise and improvement. Charismatic people try to improve themselves at any point which is why they exude so much presence: they do not want to miss any information that could change the trajectory of their lives.
To be more confident, you must reinforce your brain with action. Work on your body and beauty for hours and hours on end. Read on how to be more outgoing and exercise. You cannot imitate confidence and put on bravado for all your life: you must earn it. Do something difficult that makes you proud of yourself. With this pride, you gain confidence.
”I managed to work for hours on end while I didn’t want to so why the hell should I fear this?”- you start thinking as such.
True beauty is not your genetic predisposition, it is the amount of effort you have put in your appearance and the amount of care you direct towards yourself. The more you care about yourself, the less you care about the opinions of others. At the end of the day, why should you care about what they think? Some of the most attractive people I know spend hours in the gym, follow boring strict diets and brag constantly about their morning routines. Be like the morning routine gurus.

3. Pick low hanging fruit. Screw bang for your buck, gather small wins. Talk to people, whoever they are. Whether it is with the cashier, the bus driver or the passenger sitting next to you. To get good at small talk, you must practice small talk consistently. It’s all right if you embarrass yourself from time to time: the most charismatic people I know and have been around used to be shy people at school and they got to their position through exposure therapy. One of my friends, Daniel, cold approached 500 women and tried to hit on them for their phone numbers. He didn’t act creepy and approached them with no ulterior motives. Most women rejected him in disgust, hurting his pride. But some were open to more and 500 cold approaches later, my man is happily engaged to a woman that he loves.
It’s alright if you fail and you stutter: you get better through experience. Name me one businessman that managed to find a fortune 500 company at their first try. These businessmen went through failure after failure, some even nearing bankruptcy, to get to where they are now. Never give up, you will eventually forge into the diamond you are willing to become.

4. Be kind and understanding. All the truly charismatic people I have met in my life were extremely nice and it felt easy to speak with them. They understand everyone’s pain and they’re always getting conversational partners. Be kind and the world will love you in return. I’m not on t telling you to become a nice guy: kindness is genuine, and it has no ulterior motive. Nice guys seek women to satisfy their primal desires: ERRRR NO! Kind people are nice for the sake of being nice. As such, they are charismatic, and people naturally gravitate towards them.

5. Finally, simply practice and practice again. Join any social gathering you can find and search to improve your charisma at any moment given. I’ve decided 4 years ago to break this curse of mine that prevented me from making any friends and I started building my charisma. Reading books on communication and self-improvement, I went out to parties and club activities in search of social connection. I failed miserably a few times: I was even embarrassed in front of everyone at a party once (Someone purposefully spilled their drink on my head and everyone laughed at me, traumatized forever.) BUT I never gave up on my search to achieve charisma. Learning from my mistakes and realizing who to surround myself with, I’m now socially adept and I have a few great friends I can hang out with and have deep conversations with. Through pure effort and repetition, I managed to find my tribe and people who follow beliefs and goals like mine. You can do it too.

No, charisma is not a talent with which you are inherently born. It is something that you practice and get better at. Make sure to capitalize on its benefits and REALLY, attempt to improve it so it can make uses in your daily life.
Thank you so much for reading this fast and also make sure to

Have a nice day :)